all my friends are superheroes (except you)

take me back to the time when we were genuine

let me set the stage for you. its 3:06am, you're on msn, you scroll up and down your list because you're bored. you see an old friend. but he's always online. no biggie. you look at his msn name. you see something familiar. you can't quite put your finger on it. but after repeating it to yourself, softly whispering the words each time, you realize why it was so familiar. you wrote it. it was a song you wrote for a project in gr 12 english. a song about friendships. a song about turning your back. a song about deep regret. your friend quoted your very own song about turning your back. you turned your back on this friend. you never gave him the lyrics for the song; but he remembered anyway. he remembered when you forgot. then you realize, nothing's the same anymore. you've changed, they've changed, and the world as you once knew it to be is different. home is not where you grew up, home is where you are. you realize how circumstantial things really are. you leave that place you once called home as a young naive child. and here you are, slightly wiser in terms of the way the world operates and you realize that ultimately, things only happen when convenient. you try and you try to make things work out. you tell yourself and others that things will be fine if you put the right effort into it. you lied. you lied. you lied to yourself, you lied to your friends, you lied. it was all a lie. you lived a lie. you convinced yourself of the lie. you thought things would never end. you were as hopeful as a friends forever bracelet. but above all, you were wrong -- dead wrong. i'm sorry. sorry. sounds funny, that word. what does it mean anyway?

Faded photographs
Broken memories
Don’t tell me its time
To throw it all away
Is it time?

last day of 1b lectures!!!

sorry, another completely directionless post. today was the last day of lectures, and that makes me excited. and o did i mention? today was gorgeous, frisbee, pool, dropping pants on the village green, good times, good times.

im just updating this becuase im bored/lazy/dont want to do PDENG right now...sighs.

no more 3am slc and dc trips for me...(not for a little while at least), but they were good, fun times. i love the spontanaeity and freedom here. but im sure i've mentioned that before.

the term is drawing to a close, and im going to be leaving residence. i know for sure i will miss res. and next year, ill be living in a house with the coolest people ever, but its just not going to be like residence. o well, embrace change right? im still looking forward to next year. random pranks, hotpot, korean bbq (silly nathan), lan parties, super smash, etc.

i got forward from tammy a while ago about leaving res. about leaving everything here and going back to a foreign place. a place that we;ve grown up in, yet won't recognize. thats one thing i fear. i think home is a foreign place to me now. things will be/are so different now, im not sure i'll be able to handle it.


anyways, enough of my directionless, thoughtless crap. back to PDENG.


on another note, i feel so helpless as a friend, i care so much for him/her, yet everything is just falling apart for them. they need help, and i feel useless because i cant seem to provide that for him/her. i think thats the worst feeling ever. sitting idly by while your friend's life just goes to the shiznat.
feeling so helpless, so useless.


i feel.

blasting music and sorrow at 12:30am
s'all crap.
that is all
things are just different now, and i think ive began to accept that. dont fight the inevitable, embrace it. (karwai, shut up...i know what you're going to say here)

in other news, as this term draws to a close and ... ah crap, im too lazy to think and reflect on that right now. gist of it is i'll really miss people soon. three people in particular that i wished i had gotten to know earlier. they're all graduating/leaving at the end of the term, and i think ccf will be losing a lot with them gone. annie, eric, mike.

man, i dont even know why im updating this.

derek, thanks for the talk, i really appreciate you just listening. it was nice. hasnt happened in a while.

I really do thank God for waterloo. I thank Him for all the life experiences i have gained from 8 months here. I thank Him for all the people He has put in my life. I thank Him for helping me find a place I can truly call home now. a place where people don't judge me. where i am accepted for who i am. an all around good place. parentals permitting, i will certainly be visiting a lot during the summer.

in other news, the ccf beginners hockey team won!!! zick. next term, that will be me! :) hopefully i can go equipment shopping with steve/jefftong/others on wednesday or thursday or soon. im so excited.

i learned a lot about myself and others this term. i made decisions and stuck by them, never looked back, and in the most cliche sense of the statement, i have no regrets. last term, i lived a lie. this term, i lived.


o and one last thing. shameless plug time. robot juice. what is robot juice you ask? do the research yourself.


ps. sorry for being completely directionless with this post.