all my friends are superheroes (except you)

and because karwai just LOOVES it when people do this, i shall. its a new years-esque song. no, its not Auld Lang Syne, but its close (not really...not at all)

this must be it, welcome to the new year
the drinks were consumed
the plants were destroyed and the hor'deurves dismantled
i'm not smiling behind this fake veneer
i am often interrupted or completely ignored
but most of all i'm bored
i'm trying to find out if my words have any meaning
lackluster and full of contempt when it always ends the same
why won't you listen to me
why did i come, oh why did i come here
these humans all suck
i'd rather be home feeling violent and lonely
i'm not trying to sound so insincere
but the postcard that's taped to the freezer reads "wish you were here"
how i wish i could disappear
i'm trying to find out if my words have any meaning
lackluster and full of contempt and it always ends the same
heads up, damage control
there's a ring around her finger
last chance for changing lanes and you missed it by a mile
why won't you listen to me
this must be it, welcome to the new year
--together we'll ring in the new year, motion city soundtrack

good song. really. anyways, i'm off to derek's now to actually ring in the new year.
which reminds me. i'm confused now more than ever about what to do with the whole fellowship situation.
...but more on that later.

TIME TO GET WASTED!!! YEAHHH!!! (note sarcasm.)

i've been doing a lot of thinking lately. i think too much -- and it hurts.

1000 good intentions -- rise against

razorburn -- lagwagon


inconsiderate people are fun.


ever get that feeling where you are borderline upset and angry? you really don't want to be angry, just upset, but then you realize you'd rather be none of the above?
welcome. to the machine.

highlights of yesterday:

"grinding" the rail.
kneeing myself in the throat.

good times, good times.



this morning was nice too. i spent the morning and part of the afternoon with two of my cousins. *side note: i just let one rip, and it smells like peas*. ANYWAYS, spending time with them and my cousin-in-law (?) was awesome. we've never been too close because of the age gap, but as we get older now (oooh im old) the gap just seems to close up. its been like that with a lot of my cousins for the holidays. just a whole lot of catching up and genuine conversations about things that aren't superficial and meaningless.

makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. which reminds me...karwai finds it gay that i say thigns are "cute". theres nothign wrong with that. he's just insecure about his own sexuality, thats all. (sorry carol)

hi joeie!!! look!!! happy post!!!

happy happy hippo!!!

i miss.

uncertainty and significant digits.

the former scares me.

i had a lot of alone time today at work, mostly due to the fact that a lot of people were working today, so i had to grab a corner. i did a lot of thinking, and it was nothing shy of depressing. i was thinking about myself, and the numerous predicaments i had found myself caught up in. its time for simon to accept and embrace the cold reality. if you can't fight it, you might as well learn to accept it and just be grateful for whatever you have left. easier said than done, but good words to live by nonetheless.

You got to get yourself together
You've stuck in a moment
and now you can't get out if it
Don't say that later will be better
now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

i'm impatient. i just can't wait until things are normal again.






moving right along, my grades were posted today. i more than happy with them. there were definately a few pleasant surprises, to say the least.
i have officially completed 1/8 of my degree. exciting no? (actually, its less than 1/8 becuase i have coop, and those count towards credits...but please don't burst my bubble like that)

karwai. brian. nathan.
i can't believe we played far cry ALL night.

it was good though. lots of "giggles".

(this is what happens when you finish exams)

"aww man, i wish you were carol right now" - karwai

"..." - simon

kar to the wai is back in the wa to the ter to the loo!!!

ok, enough of that.























tehehehehe...the mysterious lump is karwai...

woops.
scandalous.

the loot:



















war time.

that was the most depressing dinner i've ever had.

have you ever met a person whom you had wish you'd never met? i dont mean because they have some overblown personality flaw, or because they're just jerks. i mean because you just cant stop thinking about them -- not in the "attraction" sense, but in the "i feel so helpless" sense.

i had dinner with brian, nathan, kathleen, and danielle, and we saw one of kathleen's friends from her program. he was eating by himself in the caf, so kathleen invited him over. after talking for a little bit, i knew something was up with him -- something was different. i asked kathleen about it later, and it turns out he has no home, he's been kicked out of numerous schools, been involved with the wrong crowd, and has some sort of disease (i dont remember what it was called, something to do with his colon) and his msn name is a countdown of the days he has to live. i dont even know if he has parents; and if he does, he sure as heck is not living with them right now.

he's got no home to go to and the university is kicking him out of residence tomorrow because of some stupid policy. i think he's going to stay with a friend, but even then he's not sure.

i just feel so helpless.
it was depressing for sure.


i'm just so upset now.

angry, young and poor
angry, young and pissed
angry no one cares

well, that was a lie, not no one per se, but it damn well feels like it.



note to self: hey, none of this emo crap, get back to calculus

way to turn your back on everyone you once new and loved.
good game simon.

i've just got so much on my plate right now.

*deep breath* sigh.


...such an ass...SUCH an ass.

its just so frustrating sometimes -- even now.

for ridiculous bass riffs, check out angry young and poor by anti-flag, or white knuckle ride by rancid. good songs.
bass wankers are underrated. "phat bass" (memories of robotics)


interesting tidbit: i find calculus tres fascinitaing, as odd as that may seem. all of it is just so ingenious. i can't even explain what i mean. its just something you have to study. its so clever in itself. calculus is definately underrated. its hard not to appreciate the vast number of uses of calculus. its difficulat at times, but rewarding and satisfying.

hmmm...i've just noticed that i haven't been posting anything but pure crap for a long long time now.

i will soon be due for a serious post/anything but these "look what i did today" posts

but don't hold your breath and wait.

let's go tobogganing

last night, after coming back from dinner with karwai, brian, sandynathan (also known as nathan), and sandynathan's friend, we bumped into kathleen. she managed to sucker me into going tobogganing with her and some of her friends from her program/campus crusade. the others couldn't go because they had exams today so they were all "studying hard". the only problem was we had no toboggan, magic carpets, sleds, gt racers etc. being clever as we are, we decided to take her mattress. thats right, we're not talking about a camping mattress or anything like that, we're talking about a real mattress here. as we were carrying it out of our house, we walked by our don's room with her door slightly open. fearing we'd getting caught, we dashed across that section and ran outside (subtly of course...*shifty eyes*). we then carried the mattress across the road (we j-walked across 4 lanes of traffic with a mattress) and had a blast at this ridiculously steep hill. we tried to fit 8 people on the mattress at once, because another group managed to fit 6, but that failed...miserably. i was second from the top and i just slid right off the people underneath and effectively became the sled. but all in all, i had a blast.

i came back with hives all over my ankles, 3 pulled muscles, and of course, the sniffles. but i guess thats better than having a soaking wet mattress. i wonder what she slept on last night...what a trooper, that kathleen.

oh and one more thing. we had makeshift magic carpets. whoever decided to bring those was a genius. note to prospective students: the laminated calenders you get with your frosh package may not be so useful in planning your month, but do not despair, they are wonderful magic carpets.

back to the calculatron studyment.



ps. karwai's gone. now i'm sad. please come back karwai. i miss you... :( dont keep me waiting like this!


waiting....

...for the worms

cd's, cd's, cd's; so many cd's to buy, so little dough. *sigh*

so, instead of hardcorestudyfests, for the past two nights, our floor has had counter-strike lan parties!!! :D:D the first one was the night before my physics exam. i played for an hour after completing 3 previous finals. o the memories of cs.

looking forward to next term because:

• i will have my electric
• i will have my snowboard (and a ridiculous $45 season's pass to chicopee) i heard chicopee sucks, but hey, $45 for as many trips as i want, whenever i want? thats a deal.
• many more lan parties
• KARWAI!!!

not looking forward to next term because:

• brutal courses... :(
• wont see all the wUUUnderful people that i am offstream with...ever
• KARWAI!!!

W6 vs S2...in...warren eats cats

today, i learned two very valuable lessons

let the following images, however disturbing they may be, be a lesson to all of you grade 12's who will be moving into res next year.

lesson the first: NEVER kick your res lamp.
exhibit a: karwai's lamp that i...i dont even know what i did.










"uh...what do i do now?"










actually, this was the second time something of this calibre happened. this time, i didnt actually kick it. i just pulled on it too quickly, causing the lamp to pop out. the first time however, i was lying down, and i dont remember what happened, but i jumped up really quickly, and accidentally kicked the bulb right out of the socket. insano no?


lesson the second: ALWAYS wash your eating utensils immediately after each use.
exhibit b: my spoon and bowl that i hadnt washed in...i dont even know how long

DISCLAIMER: the following contains images that may not be suitable for all viewers. viewer and parental discretion is strongly advised.







its like magic!
















its like whoa!







that spoon was caked on there goodly! i shot a video of me holding the spoon, trying to whip the bowl onto the floor. it took a good few swings to get the two detached.


[edit]

so poroshat asked me if i went to unit 36 on friday. for those of you who dont know, unit 36 is just a place where a huge engineering beer guzzling party is held three times a term.

i said no and asked if she went.

she said "NO! do i look like someone who would go?"

i responded with "...do i?"
and she said "yes"

hmmm...that makes two. earlier on in the term, one of my survey group members, mike, thought the same about me. ...do i look like a party goer or some sort of stereotypical beer-owning-party-animal-engineer? i think not. thats dissapointing, the fact that somehow, i am able to project that kind of image of myself. im confused? where are people getting these ideas of me? then again, it is only two out of the nth people i have met here, so i guess its nothing to worry about.

speaking of other people and their ideas of me...today's service really spoke to me. it was about pride. the speaker put up a number of slides at the end with two sections, "prideful people" and "humble people" contrasting the difference between the two. we were asked to look inside ourselves and see which one we were on each slide. lets just say...i didn't score too well.
that (among a myriad of other things) is one thing i really need to work on. its going to be more than just a "new years resolution"...but then again, isnt that how i always think? the whole it-will-work-out-this-time-i-promise mentality?
sigh.

$0.12 <--- remaining meal plan balance.

on a side note, windows media player is really bugging me. i have this nice extravagant play list consisting of all the punk songs i own (and dont own...im such a sell out...sorry paul) but the shuffle option is the worst evar! it just plays the same few songs over and over again! and on top of that, all the names have been switched around. stupid media player. (ok, not ALL the names, but anything more than zero is annoying enough)

lastly, finals are coming up freakishly close. and then its break time! and it wont be like highschool Christmas breaks where you have work to worry about. the terms over! :D but that means we have to endure exams first.

physics, you know i still love you. why must you betray me like that?
you played with my heart, got lost in the game...you're not that innocent.

*tear*

goodnight everyone

in case you were wondering about the previous post, none of the parties involved read or know about this.

i just needed to vent and get a few things off my chest.
i really need to talk to him about this some time. someone needs to beat a little bit of sense into him.
but i dont want to overstep my boundaries. i want to be a good friend. i care about him. i need him to realize that i have the best interest in store for him.

it HAS TO END HERE.

hey there buddy
abandon ship. jump off and save yourself while you still can.
swim while you're close to port.

actually, im not going to lie to you. you're nowhere near port. you sailed way too far into oblivion.
you have no idea what you have gotten yourself into.
scratch that, you know exactly what it is and you refuse to admit it.
i cant believe what you are putting yourself through.

you're better than that. you deserve more than that.

she's nothing but trouble.


as for your counterpart: stop messing around with my friend please. stop controlling him, stop playing mind games with him, and let him live his own life. scratch that, let him live a life. stop being such a conniving "person". you are NOTHING BUT TROUBLE. you are ruining his life. you are destroying his future. i hope you know that.
i dont know why he puts up with your crap.
oh yea, and dont be a hypocrite ok? its funny how you can say whatever the hell you want to say to me, and i cant do jack crap about it. but if i were to say anywhere near the things you say to me, you would cry, guilt trip me, and blog about it in some crazy insano blog post where you embellish EVERYTHING. yea thats right, i read that post. way to be wrong. way to blow the situation out of proportion. way to be clueless. way to jump to conclusions. way to ASSUME things about me. thank you. thank you. thank you.

o and being the conniving person that you are, way to put him in a catch 22 situation. guilt trips are fun arent they? well maybe for YOU. maybe for some psychological mind game player, some sort of perverse freak like YOU.

im trying very hard not to use certain words to describe you. but i dont think i need to actually say it. the people understand. and maybe, just perhaps, you might know it for yourself deep down inside.

dadadadadone



































































maCIVE report...done